The Seeker; The Last Season

The Seeker: The Dark is Rising (David L. Cunningham, 2007) - C-

You can attribute my absurd optimism about this one to Post-Harry Potter Stress Disorder, but I really should have known once studio marketing drones changed the title from the simple and elegant The Dark is Rising to the nonsensical and ugly (but less depressing!) The Seeker: The Dark is Rising. None the wiser, I remained vaguely intrigued until roughly 40 minutes into the film, when I thought it might be playing around with the question of why most modern fantasy involves a retreat into something resembling the Middle Ages, with swordfights and horseback riding accompanying the sorcery. And it does sort of address it -- the first scene is the last day of school, accompanied by the entire student body flipping open their cell phones in unison; we then transition to the 14 year-old protagonist's house, where an XBox and a flat-screen tv blare across the room while the huge nuclear family tries to have dinner; meanwhile our hero, who will soon discover his supernatural powers and destiny to save the universe, is forced to move up to the rustic attic by the arrival of his big brother from college; soon enough the menacing Rider makes his appearance and we're off to the Medieval races -- but that doesn't really excuse the arbitrary mish-mash of fantasy clichés that, it turns out, comprises the storyline. My heart sank as the serviceable half hour of what-the-hell-is-going-on set-up turned into useless blather about battling forces of light and dark (a scientific concept, apparently, though the film only feints toward explaining it), Old Ones, Chosen Ones, six signs (one of which may or may not be locked away in someone's being), etc. Silliness isn't the problem (surely you know me better than that); the problem is how lazy, thin and insubstantial all of it is, with the fantasy elements seeming totally random and the characters uniformly worthless. Even Frances Conroy and Ian McShane can't give this stuff any weight. Can't speak to the Susan Cooper novel, which is apparently pretty good, but kids will forget the movie within minutes.

The Last Season (David Mickey Evans, 2007) - D+

I almost never walk out, but I would have bolted had I not read (in the Chicago Reader, no less) that The Last Season pulls itself together in the last act. That's sort of true, at least insofar as the Big Game focuses on the baseball rather than school consolidation or the purity of Sean Astin's soul. But this is still the most overbearing sports movie I've ever seen, demolishing all rationality and common sense in pursuit of its anti-consolidation message, preferring to manufacture absurd villains and a symbolic underdog story that's just not there rather than acknowledge that maybe the merits of its cause are kind of ambiguous. Astonishingly, insufferably corny, dragging in a pointless love subplot to supplement all the sickening hero worship and (for the first 90 minutes at least) ignoring the baseball altogether. Most movies about "underdog" teams at least address the mechanics of the team rising from zero to hero; The Last Season doesn't give a damn. Footnote: since when is Michael Angarano getting the reverse-prestigious last-in-the-credits spot? Is Sky High that popular?