Teeth

Teeth (Mitchell Lichtenstein, 2008) - C

Tries to do two things with the vagina dentata concept: construct an allegory about a young woman learning to harness the power of her sexuality, and imply that the abstinence movement, such as it is, is grounded in a subconscious fear of sex. But the subtext is so obvious it's barely subtext, and the movie is overbearingly sarcastic and smug; Lichtenstein prefers to get laughs at the expense of his protagonist instead of taking her twisted psychology seriously, but his screenplay isn't that funny and Dawn is never convincing. Every guy she encounters is detestable in predictable ways (uber-Christian crush turns out to be a rapist; nerdy second choice a date rapist; gynecologist a pervert; don't even ask about the random guy who gives her a ride), and they all get their comeuppance in exactly the way you'd think, without question or much suspense. Not much of a horror movie -- Lichtenstein turns up the gore in the second half, but in an annoyingly self-satisfied way, trying hard to elicit horrified laugh-groans from the audience by (e.g.) lingering on a dog as it considers a severed penis (one of many in the film), picks it up, then spits half of it back out. (Eew. Why?) Everyone who's seen Teeth seems to be as enamored of its premise as Lichtenstein is, but I'm not buying. This is a huge, largely artless disappointment.